It’s a good idea Roy but…………………

Just recently I have taken the time to enjoy a trip down memory lane by listening to some comedy programmes I used to enjoy on the wireless whilst growing up.

One of my earliest memories was listening to The Goon Show on the BBC Home Service on Sunday afternoons. The Goons ran from 1951 until 1960 though I did not really start listening until perhaps I was about 8 or 9 so that would have been about 1957 or 58, though even to me and my friends as early as that the Goons started the manic and archaic humour that was to carry us through life, and I doubt today, even some fifty years after the last original recording [though there have been repeats] there are many who have not at least have heard of The Goons.

The original composition was; Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, though Bentine left in 1953. All had met whilst trying to break into show business after being demobbed from the forces after the end of the war. It has been said the The Goons had a considerable influence on later areas of British comedy such as Monty Python. The Goons however were not just a group of manic screeching comedians making silly noises but in fact the central core of the humour [all the scripts were written by Spike Milligan] were was based on ‘Subject Transference’ and it took a little while for the listener to understand the humour and then join in and understand the joke, there are some no doubt that ‘never got it’.

Subject Transference can come in a variety of ways. There is Time Transference; If you drop a bundle of 1918 calendars on troops in 1916 they will think the war is over and go home. Place Transference; if you understand for example that by opening and going through a door will take you from one room into another then why not if you open a door in the Himalayas it could take you to London. Transference of Utility; Milligan swapped items at random for example gorillas became cigarettes; ‘My these Gorillas are strong……………have one of my Monkeys they are milder’.

The Goons had an original run of nine years. Peter Sellers died in 1980, Michael Bentine died 1996, Harry Secombe died 2001 and Spike Milligan in 2002. Milligan was recorded as saying he was glad Secombe had died before him and he would not be able to sing at his [Milligan's] funeral, as it turned out Secombe did sing at Milligan’s funeral by way of a recording.

The Clitheroe Kid ran from 1957 until 1972 recording a total of 290 episodes on the wireless. The star of the programme was Jimmy Clithero who was a Northern comedian born 1921 but due to his diminutive stature was easily able to pass off as the 11 year schoolboy of the programme title. The make believe Clithero family of grandfather, mother and sister Susan lived at 33 Lilac Avenue. The basic weekly premise of the show was that Jimmy would get into some scrape or other often involving Alfie the hapless boyfriend of sister Susan and the ensuing efforts of Jimmy to get out his difficulties. By today's standards it seems perhaps rather mundane but the reader must understand that whilst I listened to this each Sunday afternoon I was also heading toward becoming an 11 year old school boy and I along with thousands of other roared with laughter. Jimmy Clithero died in 1973.

The Navy Lark was another radio sit-com about life on board a British Royal Navy Frigate the HMS Troutbridge. The programme ran from 1959 to 1975 with 244 episodes originally transmitted on the BBC Light programme and subsequently or BBC Radio 2. Programmes were self-contained, although there was continuity within the series, and there would sometimes be a reference to a previous episode. A normal episode consisted of Sub Lieutenant Phillips, scheming Chief Petty Officer Pertwee and bemused Lt. Murray trying to get out of trouble they created for themselves without being found out by their direct superior, Commander (later Captain) "Thunderguts" Povey. Scenes frequently featured a string of eccentric characters, often played by Ronnie Barker.

The programme featured musical breaks with a main harmonica theme by Tommy Reilly and several enduring catchphrases, most notably from Sub Lieutenant Phillips: 'Corrrrr'...........'Ooh, nasty....', 'Oh lumme!' and 'Left hand down a bit'. 'Ev'rybody down!' was a phrase of CPO Pertwee's, necessitated by a string of incomprehensible navigation orders by Phillips, and followed by a sound effect of the ship crashing. Also, whenever Pertwee had some menial job to be done, Able Seaman Johnson was always first in line to do it, inevitably against his will: 'You're rotten, you are!'. The telephone response from Naval Intelligence (Ronnie Barker), was always an extremely gormless and dimwitted delivery of 'Ello, Intelligence 'ere' or 'This is intelligence speakin'

Other recurring verbal features were the invented words 'humgrummits' and 'floggle-toggle' which served to cover all manner of unspecified objects ranging from foodstuffs to naval equipment. Dennis Price died in 1973, Jon Pertwee [who later played Doctor Who 1970-74] died 1996, Stephen Murray died 1983, Richard Caldicot died 1995, Ronnie Barker died 2005 and Michael Bates died 1978.

Moving from radio to television I guess the largest and certainly the longest running television sit-com must be The Last of the Summer Wine. First broadcast by the BBC in January 1973 and the last episode is due to be broadcast on 29 August 2010 ending after 31 series over 37 years and it is officially recognised as the single longest running television situation comedy.

Last of the Summer Wine focuses on a trio of older men and their youthful antics. The original trio consisted of Compo Simmonite [Bill Owen] Norman Clegg [Peter Sallis] and Cyril Blamire [Michael Bates] Blamire left in 1976, when Michael Bates fell ill shortly before filming of the third series [Bates died 1978] requiring Roy Clarke to hastily rewrite the series with a new third man. The third member of the trio would be recast four times over the next three decades: Foggy Dewhurst in 1976 [Brian Wilde], Seymour Utterthwaite in 1986 [Michael Aldridge], Foggy again in 1990, and Truly Truelove in 1997 [Frank Thornton]. After Compo [Bill Owen] died in 2000, Compo's real son, [Tom Owen] played Tom Simmonite, filled the gap for the rest of that series, and Billy Hardcastle [Keith Clifford] joined the cast as the third lead character in 2001.

The trio became a quartet between 2003 and 2006 when Alvin Smedley [Brian Murphy] moved in next-door to Nora Batty [Kathy Staff], but returned to the usual threesome in 2006 when Billy Hardcastle left the show. The role of supporting character Entwistle [Burt Kwouk] steadily grew on the show until the beginning of the 30th series, when he and Alvin were recruited by Hobbo Hobdyke [Russ Abbot], a former milkman with ties to MI5 to form a new trio of volunteers who respond to any emergency.

The trio explore the world around them, experiencing a second childhood with no wives, jobs or responsibilities. They pass the time by speculating about their fellow townspeople and testing inventions. Regular subplots in the first decade of the show included: Sid [John Comer] and Ivy [Jane Freeman] bickering over the management of the café, Mr Wainwright and Mrs Partridge having a secret love affair that everyone knows about, Wally [Joe Gladwin] trying to get away from Nora's watchful eye, Foggy's exaggerated war stories, and Compo's schemes to win the affections of Nora Batty.

The number of subplots on the show grew as more cast members were added. Regular subplots since the 1980s have included: Howard [Robert Fyfe] and Marina [Jean Fergusson] trying to have an affair without Howard's wife finding out (a variation of the Wainwright-Partridge subplot of the 1970s), the older women meeting for tea and discussing their theories about men and life, Auntie Wainwright [Jean Alexander] trying to sell unwanted merchandise to unsuspecting customers, Smiler [Stephen Lewis] trying to find a woman, Barry [Mike Grady] trying to better himself (at the insistence of Glenda) [Sarah Thomas], and Tom trying to stay one step ahead of the repo man.

Peter Sallis who has played ex lino salesman Norman Clegg, and is the only surviving cast member from the original episode also gives his voice to Wallace from Wallace and Gromit is often referred to as ‘Norman Clegg as was’ when he encounters the man hungry Marina.

As I look back now with fondness and the occasional smile over some of the humour and comedy that has made me laugh over all these years from the Goons ‘He's fallen in the water!’ or ‘You dirty, rotten swine, you! You deaded me!’ or Sub Lt Phillips ‘I say….ding dong’ or Marina from Last of the Summer Wine coming upon the hapless trio and sideling up to Clegg and saying ‘Well Norman Clegg as was’ one thing they all have in common is that they are all gone and after tonight so will Last of the Summer Wine, it will end of the longest running British television sit-com.

Perhaps Roy Clarke, who has written every single one of those episodes over the 37 years, was glad that he did not take any notice of the BBC executive that he took the very first pilot episode draft to…………………… So let me get this straight Roy , this is about three retired old men passing their day and the mishaps that befall them, its a good idea Roy but do you think anyone will watch it……………………………….

Interesting times indeed.

A long time ago I worked with a chap who was very fond of the saying 'Be careful what you wish for it may come true', he would use this at any opportunity and would apply the term to mean good and bad thereby allowing it to fit most situations. Thinking that I had long forgotten about this phrase it suddenly appeared in my head during the early hours of the morning of the 7th May whilst I was taking the occasional opportunity to keep up with the incoming general election results. Despite mentioning my doubt in the last Blog entry about the actual outcome being a hung parliament that is what has occurred.

I must genuinely offer my congratulations to David Cameron for now being the leader of the party with the most seats, though not enough to form a majority government. My commiserations to Nick Clegg who I think actually started to believe both the propaganda from the media and his own inflated ideas of suddenly how popular he had become. Sadly, for him anyway, he now has five MP's less than he had a few short days ago so it has not been a good time for him or his party and perhaps a salutary lesson of not to believe everything he hears or reads during the run up to an election. My commiserations also go to Gordon Brown; though the Labour party has fallen to second place behind the Tories he also does not have enough seats to form a majority government.

There has been much criticism of Brown mainly headed by the media who seems to have at times a selective memory when it suits them. One of the much flaunted complaints, for example, is that taking over from Tony Blair mid-term as leader of the Labour party made him an unelected Prime Minister. Strange then that the same media forget that John Major who took over from Margaret Thatcher mid-term in November 1990 as leader of the Conservative party and thus became Prime Minister in exactly the same situation. It was to be another two years until John Major called a general election in April 1992, but I do not recall the media ever hounding him as an unelected Prime Minister. Two-faced contempt is the basic method of operation for many newspapers: monotonous newsprint filled with selective reporting and audacious bias. the popular press is a hopelessly poisoned chalice in which our politicians seem resigned to exist in.

Of the 91 seats lost by the Labour party I know there will be genuine sadness at some of the good honest and hard working MP's becoming a casualty, however there are others who are now going who frankly will not be missed and little sympathy should be spared for them. Jacqui Smith falls perhaps partly due to the expenses scandal. The first ever woman to hold the post of Home Secretary she will not be missed. Charles Clarke, yet another ex Home Secretary has been shown the door from his Norwich South seat. The problem Clarke has is his attitude, during his final months in parliament he has been a vocal critic of Gordon Brown, now that may be his right to disagree or oppose anything his political leader says but it should not be aired like dirty laundry in public, it does him [Clarke] no good as he is marked as a moaning and bitter backbencher having lost his cabinet post, it does Gordon Brown no good as being seen to have members of his own party sniping at him in public and it does the party as a whole no good. If Clarke did not like his lot then he could leave at any time, another one not to be missed. Then there are those who have not awaited their fate at the hands of the public and have fallen on their sword. Hoon and Hewitt are two who readily spring to mind and in the overall plan of things they will not be missed either.

So where do we stand at the moment. Well neither of the two main parties have enough seats to form a government. I know there are many Labour supporters who would never vote Tory but who thought to punish Gordon Brown by voting Lib Dem the result being that the Labour vote fell. So few voters agreed with the Lib Dem manifesto and policy that they have lost five seats, maybe that shows how popular [or not] proportional representation may really be with the public and though David Cameron has indeed climbed a mountain and came home with a very creditable and worthwhile result he is still short of twenty seats and now needs to find other minority parties to join with to push him over the 326 seats required to form a government and mean time the country is now in a state of limbo.

The best option [at the time of writing] is for the Tories to agree a deal with Lib Dems but by doing so in some perverse way the country has lost it's democracy. We the electorate listen to the politicians then decide who we might support on the strength of who promises what. It is open, it is above board, we know what we are being told then we make an informed decision and we vote. However, now for example, with David Cameron and Nick Clegg talking to each other in an attempt to agree a deal; future policy is now being decided and agreed in private and in secret, we the voter do not now know what is being agreed, we are not being consulted. If Cameron and Clegg do agree some deal there will be some mutual policy shift between the two parties. There could be the situation where some people who voted Conservative feel cheated as they find perhaps some of the policies they voted on have been watered down or disappeared completely. Lib Dem supporters may think themselves lucky that after coming third and losing five seats are now in some position of power sharing and decision making. They will soon become disillusioned when they find that any promise that the Tories may give to gain the agreement of support very quickly disappears.

Perhaps as in 1974 when we last had a hung parliament and a coalition it will not be long for tempers to flare, promises to be broken and support to be withdrawn and then we will do this all over again.

What is to become of Gordon Brown and the Labour party? My personal view is to let the dust settle and wait for the coalition between the Tories and the Lib Dems. Then withdraw with good grace and dignity then Gordon Brown should resign as leader of the party and there should be a leadership election. Once a new leader is found then prepare for government again quickly because as with any pact that involves Tory promises it will not be long until they are broken twisted and distorted and the Lib Dems take their ball and go home. and we are off to the polls again.

As a chap I once worked for uses to say, be careful what you wish for...............................

Elections, Earthquakes, Education and Cleavage.

Mrs F and I have been away, we have been to Germany to visit family for a short break but we are back now and looking forward to our next adventure in just under seven weeks time. Due notice has been placed on a well known social networking web site for extra staff to be recruited at Philp's Bakers in Hayle [purveyors of the finest Cornish Pasty], for the management of the Union Inn on Fore Street to order extra stocks of Rattler Cider for Mrs F and to the staff and management of The Badger Inn at Lelant that Mrs F and I will require our normal table near the window for the Carvery Lunch on Sundays. Yes dear reader it will soon be time once more for Mrs F and I to pack our chattels and proceed south to Cornwall. We are ready for Cornwall but as always we wonder if Cornwall is once again ready for us.

We are now in the midst of election fever [well alright maybe not fever] with the General Election on the 6th May, so by the next Blog entry we will have a new Government. My political leanings are perhaps well known to regular readers of the Blog but I am beginning to wonder, certainly from what I have seen and read over the last couple of weeks or so, that the three main contenders are all much the same in their vague promises. We are told, and rightly so, that hard times are ahead whoever gains power. A vast hole in the countries finances courtesy of the world recession and the way some financial institutions and banks went about their business has to be covered, indeed the country needs to be placed back on a firm footing, but how it should be done and how and where and perhaps more importantly how deep some of these cuts should be is the question and so far the answers are not forthcoming in any detail.

The Labour party seem to favour a slow and steady as she goes approach, certainly with cuts in public finances but spread over a medium term so as not to hurt everybody at the same time which may reduce public confidence. The Conservatives I understand are more for an immediate slash and burn policy, cut everything now from top to bottom and perhaps return to a Thatcherism view of it is a price worth paying to get the country back onto a more even financial footing, if you survive to come out the other end intact well done and if you don't well................

The Liberal Democrats have a secret weapon in the form of Vince Cable their treasury spokesperson. Mr Cable has the ability to put forward his case in a pleasant and measured approach. During a recent televised debate between Alistair Darling, George Osborne and Vince Cable it was Cable it seemed who emerged the unofficial winner. The public appear to like both him and what he had to say that would become the proposed fiscal policy if his party won the election, but therein lies the rub, his party winning the election. One of the Liberal Democrats stated aims is in the long term to build a more liberal society however I suspect there are far too many people in this country who think society has become far too liberal already under successive Labour and Tory Governments. An often used comment about the Lib Dem's is that in fact they can say whatever they like or they think the public might wish to hear for there is a very slim chance indeed of them ever gaining power so it is all a little academic. The last true Liberal Government in this country being from 1905 to 1915 though they did take part in a coalition government from 1915 to 1922 since when there has not been a sniff of power from them.

There is much talk about there being a hung parliament with no overall working majority from either of the two main front runners and then it seems if that is the case that Nick Clegg the leader of the Lib Dems might become a King Maker. A hung parliament is fairly uncommon the last one in this country was in 1974 prior to that it was 1929, so really for all the media rhetoric I do not think that will be the final outcome when all the votes are counted. For the benefit of any new readers from Chad a Hung Parliament is a relatively new phrase to our common usage of English coming into popular use around the mid seventies and is a term to describe a minority government or even a government with a such a slim majority that relies upon other political parties by agreement to get legislation passed.

I am amused by recent comments from the world media following a senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi who is quoted by the Iranian press as suggesting that woman who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes. Women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, increasing [consequently] earthquakes. This sparked an outcry among many women who refuse to believe flaunting their breasts is triggering a worldwide disaster.

If the media is to believed some 200,000 women across the world, but it seems mainly in the USA, held numerous protests and one led by Jennifer McCrieght staged a 24 hour protest named Boobquake and encouraged other women to flaunt their breasts and cleavage to prove the Iranian clerics wrong. This protest carried banners proclaiming 'Cleavage for Science' which I think is fair enough but as always some protesters carried opposing banners stating 'God Hates Boobs' I am not sure what authority they may have to make that claim but I prefer Cleavage for Science, in fact I just prefer cleavage.

In the wake of this entire episode are the numerous pictures appearing of amply endowed ladies wearing very small tops with logos such as.............I Survived the Boobquake...........and.........Did the Earth Move for You. For a brief moment I had the notion of suggesting to Mrs F that she might also like to show support for her 'Sisters' in showing her ample cleavage to prove the clerics wrong. However I came to my senses in time and considered that any ensuing hospital treatment I might undergo as a direct result of this proposal may well conflict with the forthcoming trip to Cornwall so I dismissed the idea immediately.

However as always there is a postscript. Whilst Ms McCreight and her 200,000 like minded supporters were baring almost all in the name of science; on Monday morning 26th April approximately 300km off Southern Taiwan was an earthquake that measured 6.5 on the Richter scale. Ms McCreight later claimed this had nothing at all to do with her or any of her supporters in the Boobquake protest............................however somewhere in Iran I am sure I could almost hear a group of clerics sniggering to themselves.

I read today in one of the more reliable broadsheets that some families around the country are now contemplating the proposition of selling their homes or their second homes in some cases and downsizing. Is this the final consequence of a dying Labour government I wonder, is it because the recession has finally come to us all and even the most modest abode has in some cases become financially untenable; reading on however I breathe a sigh of relief to find that why this has come about, so the article informs me, is due to the increase in tuition fees at many private and public schools. This autumn for example both Eton and Winchester will increase their fees to £30,000 per year per pupil, and many other private and public schools will increase their fees proportionally.

The article reports for example that the Corporate Affairs Director for the Rugby Football Union has just put his five bedroom house on the market for £895,000 in an effort to downsize and use the balance to part fund his three children through the local private prep school at a rate of £4,065, that's £12,195 for all three per year. A 71 year old grandmother has just sold her family home in Chiswick West London for a reported £1.6m to ensure her four grandsons receive a full private education. There are other examples quoted of families selling their second homes in the South of France and the Caribbean to recoup equity to fund their children's private education.

Of course parents and grandparents may decided how and where their offspring should be educated, that is their right and one of the pleasures of living in a free and democratic society, it is their money and I assume they came by it in a fair and honest manner and so they may dispose of it how they wish. However I cannot help but feel that some of these people by bemoaning the fact that due to the increase in private education fees they are now faced with these measures are occasionally a little out of touch with the rest of us in the real world.

Perhaps I am being a little naive and perhaps this has always been the case ever since young Coley first arrived at Brookfield but I wonder what dear old Chips would make of it all..............................

Comings and Goings

Well I start this edition of the Blog with the news that the seemingly interminable wait that I endure each year between the ending of the NFL season with the Super Bowl and the start of the Baseball spring training leading to the beginning of the regular Baseball season on the 5th April is over. This period is not totally devoid of sport but it is not sport that interests me, I am sure there are a great many Hockey and Basketball fans out there and much power to your elbow I say but it not just for me.

Even the occasional reader of the Blog will be aware, if not you are now, that with Baseball I have for a great many years supported and followed the fortunes of the Cleveland Indians, in recent times a team of mixed fortunes, who last year played the 162 regular season games and lost 97 of them and sharing the bottom position in the Central Division of the American League with Kansas City who also played 162 games and lost 97. However the Indians have seen greatness during their 109 year history. They have played in the World Series three times, they won in 1920 and 1948 but lost to the Giants in 1954, in more recent times they were first in the Central Division for five consecutive years 1995 - 1999 winning the Division Series beating the Red Sox in 1995, the Yankees in 97 and the Red Sox [again] in 98 but losing to the Orioles in 96 and the Red Sox in 99; they were first in the Division again in 2001 but lost to the Mariners but first again in 2007 and won beating the Yankees.

So far during this years Spring Training they have won every game they have played and are unequalled by any other team in either the American or national League; however it will soon be the 5th April and I shall take my place on the Lazy Boy settee and settle back with a cold beer tune the television to ESPN America and await those famous words..................Play Ball. Let's hope that this year the Indians can return to the glory day.

I would be unfair to myself if at some point I did not mention the death on the 3rd March of Michael Foot at the grand age of 96. I am by inclination a Socialist [with a capitol S] and I tend politically to try, when I am able, to stand just left of centre and occasionally I do like the term radical when I lean intermittently leftwards.

I am today a socialist for three main reasons, first and perhaps most importantly I was raised in a socialist household though in hindsight I doubt very much if either of my late parents would have, if asked, classed themselves socialists, though both life long Labour voters, if questioned where they stood politically I think they may have said 'somewhere in the centre' but they both passionately believed in in a fair and just society with equal opportunities for all.

Secondly and though it seems strange now but in my early teens I became aware of a radical left wing socialist Labour politician called Aneurin Bevan. It was Nye Bevan who as Minister for health between 1945 and 1951 had the vision and foresight to play a vital role in the creation and introduction of the National Health Service, often amongst harsh opposition from both the Conservative Party and the British Medical Association. The new free for everyone Health Service becoming a reality, not just for those with the ability to pay, on the 5th July 1948. His passion, his values and his examples inspired a succeeding generation of followers, the Bevanites; that included Barbara Castle, Harold Wilson and Niel Kinnock to name a few. Nye Bevan had a vision for a better and more equal society for all.

Thirdly was Michael Foot. It was Michael Foot above all who inspired me to take a much greater interest in politics in general and socialism in particular though I have never been as brave as he [or even Nye Bevan] to lean that far to the left. There is much I disagreed with, Foots almost fervent staunch conviction in Nuclear Disarmament's for example, where often on television news reports of the day he could be seen near the head of some protest march or other; a dishevelled looking individual wearing his trademark beige duffle coat and with his flowing unkempt hair, but he was a man conviction, belief and strong socialism and that is what I liked about him. In his own words he first joined the Labour Party in 1937 in Liverpool because of the poverty he saw, the unemployment and the endless infamies committed on the inhabitants of the backstreets of that city. With my own father being born in Liverpool in 1915 his family would have suffered the unemployment and extreme hardships of the time and I find a correlation there.

First elected to Parliament for Plymouth in 1945 he sat on the back benches for nine turbulent years becoming always the radical voice to be reckoned with. During those years on the back benches he practised and honed his oratory skills, he warned Attlee's Government to beware of retreating from the purity of the socialist gospel and demanded greater help for the working people. Foot lost his seat in 1955 but when Nye Bevan died of cancer in 1960 it was Foot that was selected as Bevan's successor and he stood for an won the Ebbw Vale seat which he then held for 32 years until his retirement from politics in 1992.

Time has shown us that there are those who are natural speakers, and certainly it is a skill that all in public office must learn and master but there there are a few to whom it comes as a natural ability and who can speak with such deep belief, passion and conviction. Winston Churchill certainly was one, oddly enough Neil Kinnock is another and Michael Foot is another, and in my opinion he was truly spell binding to listen to.

Eventually Michael Foot, perhaps really against his own better judgement, became leader of the Labour Party after James Callaghan resigned during the Labour Conference in 1980. In the run up to the 1983 General Election with Margaret Thatcher still riding on a wave of success after the Falklands War the year before, Michael Foot laid out the Labour Party Manifesto for the forthcoming election and that speech has now passed into Labour Party folklore as 'The Longest Suicide Note in History', it was the end for Foot and the beginning of the end for his brand of leftist radical labour, the party vote fell to its lowest since 1935.

However times change and Neil Kinnock, a Bevanite himself, John Smith then Tony Blair brought the Labour Party out of the wilderness and back into office by making its core values more centre ground, even right of centre at times and more moderate, well that and the complete internal collapse and total mistrust of the Conservative Party by the general public, but it was not the politics or beliefs of Michael Foot, it was 'New Labour' and Michael Foot was 'Old Labour' radical and left of centre, he belonged to a different age and a different time. Michael Foot has long been a political hero of mine, a genuine man with a passion and dedication in his beliefs not often seen today, one of the old guard of left wing radical politics.

Google have in the last day or so announced that the Street View on Google maps has now been released for Britain with about 98% completion rate, it did not take long for the Moaning Minnie's, the Loonies and the NIMBY's to throw their collective hands in the air in horror and shout loudly at anyone who will listen, no doubt eager to gain some support, about invasion of privacy, permissions not given, it being a 'Burglars Charter' and all sorts of other nonsense. For the benefit of any new reader from Chad a NIMBY is a mnemonic for Not In My Back Yard to indicate someone or a group of people who think anything will be a great idea so long as it is not built or does not happen near them.

One of the less significant daily newspapers even published a story about how one of their reporters had found on the Google Street View an image of a child that was half dressed [no doubt after spending countless hours hunched over his or her computer zooming in on every image of a child they could find to do so] and now claims this will become the favoured tool of paedophiles who will use the Street View to locate children and then rush off to do whatever it is that paedophiles do with children. Does this newspaper seriously expect us to believe that they think a paedophile will spend hours searching Google Street View in search of a victim and then rush off to the given geographical location and expect the child to still be there; it surely goes without saying that the Street View is not a live image but a pre-recorded image now published on the web. I might expect some of these images to be up to six months or more old, what a ridiculous and scare mongering article the newspaper has printed, but knowing the newspaper it is about par for the course for them and it's reporting style but even more sadly reflects the readership of this newspaper that it is believed without question and I am sure mobs of vigilantes are forming as I type.

For those who have claimed it is an invasion of their privacy and that their permission had not been sought for these images to be collected I might remind them then that when next they are on holiday or out for the day and they plan to take some photographs to ensure they go and ask everyone else on the beach or in the town or city or wherever they may be to obtain their permission as no doubt they might be included on the photograph as well. What a ludicrous notion. I expect we all have photographs at home or on our computers to remind us of happy holidays or day visits and in the background are perhaps hundreds of other people, if at the beach for example, do we go and ask every persons consent who may be caught innocently on the photograph.

Do some of these people really believe that because the street or road that they live on is now included in Goggle Street View that suddenly there will be a great influx of crime on their property or in their area, what do they base that on? I can purchase an A to Z guide of any city or town in this country, open it at any page, stick a pin into any given area and go to that point and stand outside any house or other buildings take some photographs and walk around the area, this is no more or no less than can be done with Google Street View or than can have been done with any A to Z Guide for the last twenty or so years. How does that in some way in peoples mind become an opportunity for an increase in crime.

It is all such a silly notion from a lot of loonies, but I am getting flipping angry again.

Good news on the Gnome front. I can report the the Gnome arrived safely some days ago and since then I have taken it to work for the day and taken some photographs, Mrs F and I also took it to the North Yorkshire Moors National Park visiting Sutton Bank, Helmsley and the Lion Inn at Blakey Ridge for lunch. I have added the pictures and a small written report to the Gnome World Travel Web Site and he has now departed for his next destination in Dunfermline Scotland prior to crossing the Atlantic to the new world and the colonies.

It makes me so flipping angry.

I find I get more annoyed as the weeks and months pass and perhaps there might be some correlation between the angrier I get and the older I get, but I really do get annoyed at times and no doubt the blood pressure jumps upward as a result.

I often get reprimanded by Mrs F during the times I spend shouting loudly and waving my arms about wildly at some news or current affairs item on the television or something I read in the press. I vent my anger with shouts of lock them up, bring back the birch, who wrote this rubbish a two year old, bring back debtors prison or my current favourite; deport them to Chad, though why I should expect Chad to accept the waifs, drop outs and general dross of the society I do not know. My fury cover a wide spectrum it is not just to law breakers that I vent my anger, but also seemingly nondescript other groups or individuals who unwittingly fall foul of my sensibility.

Here are a couple of recent examples of the sort of thing that makes me angry.

A recent newspaper item claimed that a third of students canvassed for a national poll, and here I should explain that we are talking about university students in the age range 19 - 23, are unable to name the leader of the Labour Party whilst 34% of those canvassed could not name the leader of the Conservative Party and just under 50% did not know that Nick Clegg is the leader of the Liberal Democrats. The article then continues to put a journalistic twist on the story that the leaders of the three main parties and by default the political parties themselves are much of a sameness, or are so nondescript that can the students of today be blamed for not knowing some of these basic facts. However my interpretation of it is that there are university students studying for degrees or higher, and are by default within the top 25% academic group within their age range, should damn well feel ashamed for not knowing who the leader of the Labour Party [who is of course also the Prime Minister] is by name or in fact the names of the leaders of the other two main political parties in this country and it leaves me stunned.

Let us consider these are the students who in a couple of years from now will graduate and then be looking for the first step on the ladder for high level employment with high level incomes to match. Some will remain in academia for life and return later to teach a new generation. It makes me wonder sometimes who we are educating and is it all worth it. Perhaps many of these should now be weeded out of university and sent post haste to the job centre to find employment more suited to their level as it is clear to me at least that some of these student are wasting their time and tax payers money at university.

About two years ago, maybe a little longer, British Gas wrote too many of their domestic customers and informed them that the price of domestic gas was likely to rise over the coming years and offered to lock in customers who chose a fixed monthly payment over a fixed term [three years I think] regardless if the price of gas or in fact of British Gas prices rose. Those who chose to would only pay the agreed fixed monthly price regardless of any price increase over the agreed period. I had such a letter but after looking at the terms and conditions and taking into account how much I already paid as a monthly payment I decided not to take advantage of this offer and should prices rise then I would just have to weather the storm so to speak. Undoubtedly however there were those who no doubt like me also read the small print [perhaps many did not] weighed up the pros and cons and decided to take advantage of this offer and lock themselves into an inflationary prove fixed term contract in an attempt to offset any price rise to to either inflation or production costs.

A few weeks ago British Gas announced [against all the odds] that they were going to reduce prices for many domestic users by on average up to about 7%. Now for me and other customers who did not lock themselves into the fixed price agreement this was indeed both surprising and welcome news. However it was not long after the announcement on the morning news when the moaning and complaining started from those who had elected to take advantage of the fixed price contract and now saw themselves not benefiting from any potential price reduction. It seemed to me watching the news that every few minutes some more e mails, texts or phone calls to the television studio were read out from disgruntled customers wanting to know if they would get the reduction in price as well. I heard myself shouting at the television that had British Gas announced a 7% price increase would these same people be bombarding the news studio with e mail and phone calls wanting to ditch their fixed price contract and pay the extra increase..............of course not, so what made them think that they should be allowed to ditch the fixed price agreement and receive the price reduction. They had the choice like everyone did and they chose a course of action if as it transpires that was the wrong choice, though luck and stop moaning and take some responsibility for your own actions.

I know when Christmas is really over when I start to read stories about individuals who are in debt due to overspending during the festive period. A very recent example has been a young couple in their thirties [well they are young to me] with two children. These two sad specimens plus their children were produced on a morning television programme and, I assume, hoping for some sympathy from the viewing public re told the sad tale of how they are now £58,000 in debt, this being accompanied from time to time by one or other of the children crying. It seems that in October this couple received a letter from a bank offering them a fantastic credit card at fantastically extra low rate of interest should they wish to sign up. The couple did and received the new card and started to spend. A few days later they received another letter from another bank asking would they like to have a credit card with an interest rate so low it is a wonder why the bank required repaying at all, the couple agreed and continued spending, why not they informed the viewing public Christmas was coming and they had children.

Whilst out shopping with their new credits cards they were offered a store card from a well known high street department store [for the benefit of any new readers from Chad it was Marks and Spencer] and so took that with no doubt a special low rate of interest..............the story goes and on like this and the couple saw no harm in spending all this money, not their money of course this being credit to be repaid with interest. The point to this and what made me apoplectic with rage was that the couple saw none of this as their fault. Now they were £58,000 in debt they had come to the television studio to complain about the Government who they saw as the culprit; in essence they were now £58,000 in debt due to the fault of the Government.

The argument runs that the Government allows banks and other financial institutions to offer individuals these credit cards so by default it is the fault of the Government that they were £58,000 in debt and what was the Government going to do about it. It was it seems nothing whatsoever to do with them taking on these various cards, signing a contract and then going on a spending spree . When asked by the interviewer that did it not occur to either of them that they were only really using money in advance of repaying it with interest, it was not really their money they were only in essence borrowing it, the couple looked at each other rather blankly then looked at the interviewer and shrugged and repeated that it was not their fault, that they should not be held to account and the Prime Minister should be the one who accepts responsibility, the child continued to cry. I was about to throw something at the television when Mrs F entered the room and stopped me.

A local news item caught my attention. A motorist had been stopped by police for speeding, he was just prior to being stopped [and after being followed by a marked police car] driving at 58 mph in 40 mph speed limit and that at the time he was also using his hand held mobile phone, a note to our reader from Chad, it is against the law in Great Britain to drive whilst using a hand held device such as a phone. After being stopped and interviewed it transpires this motorist already has 6 penalty points on his driving licence showing that he had been stopped at least once before if not twice for other motoring offences. After being cautioned and then informed that he will be reported for offences relating to the Road Traffic Act this person then begins to complain about the strong armed actions of the police, how the police would better spend their time catching criminal and law breakers rather than waste their time harassing good and honest motorists like himself and that politicians should do something about this waste of police time and resource.

I would say to this individual that the police are catching criminals and law breakers, they caught you. You are a criminal and law breaker and deserve to receive a spell in prison just as much as a burglar for example. You were exceeding the prescribed speed limit, so you were breaking the law; you were also at the time driving whilst using your hand held telephone, again you were breaking the law. You already have 6 penalty points on your licence which shows you have also broken the law before, so you are in effect a habitual criminal. yes the police are doing their job; they are catching criminals like you.

The attitude of it is always the fault of someone else makes me so angry..........................

It's turned out nice again.

I know dear reader that this is as much as a surprise for you as it is for me to be adding another Blog entry, but the truth is there has been a miracle of almost biblical proportions because you see I have been cured from the dreaded and almost fatal SOB that had struck me down. I am fit and well again, at least as fit and well as anyone my age have the right to expect. I attribute this healing of my body mind and perhaps soul to maintaining a healthy regime, well that is my excuse at least.

Mrs F however has got flu. My god you should hear her continually moaning about how ill she is. She never stops moaning about the many and varied symptoms she claims to be suffering from, the sore throat, the aching limbs, the occasional bouts of shivering, on and on and on, I have told her to pull herself together and stop complaining it is only flu. I hate people who do nothing but grumble when they get some simple and relatively harmless ailment like flu. The humorous twist to this perhaps is that Mrs F is within an at risk group medically speaking and about four weeks ago or so she received two injections at the local surgery, one for flu and one for swine flu...............that works then.

So today is the Super Bowl and the New Orleans Saints will battle it out against the Indianapolis Colts for the title of Super Bowl XLIV Winners at the Sun Life Stadium in Florida. The game is due to start at 5pm Eastern Time [US] and will be shown live around the world. We here in the UK will get it starting at about 10.30pm and it will continue until about 4am. I will be watching it on the BBC having already taken the precaution of taking the day off work tomorrow. I have also prepared for the event in other ways; the fridge is stocked with Budweiser, I have a couple of packets of Doritos chips and a jar of Hot Salsa Dip and to get me through the forty minute half time show, this year a performance given by The Who, I have some Hot Dogs and Rolls, I think that should see me through it all okay.

I do not really have any fixation to either team but there is a requirement to support one or the other. The Colts are statistically the better team with a season score of 14:2 against the Saints 13:3 and as I write this the Colts are the more favoured team to win. I have seen the New Orleans Saints play live in London in 2008 when they played the San Diego Chargers and so for that reason and that alone I shall support the Saints.

Whilst still on the subject of the NFL the news is now out that at the fourth International Series Game to play at Wembley on Sunday 31st October this year will be between the San Francisco 49ers and the Denver Broncos, it will be classed as a home game for the 49ers. So dear reader you will you will understand how excited I am about this as you will recall that the Denver Broncos are my team. My ticket has already been purchased and confirmed and the hotel has also already been booked paid for and confirmed, so I shall get to see the Broncos play in person at last.

A couple of other snippets of news to catch up on. Mrs F and I decided late last year that our settees just about reached the end of their useful life. These two two seater settees had in fact given long and valuable service and had seen the wear and tear and rough and tumble of two children growing up and two dogs running around and jumping on and off them or that might be two dogs growing up and two children........................no perhaps not. Last November we then decided that we had enough spare resources to invest in new furniture and so the upshot was that we ordered at great expense two Lazy Boy settees, perhaps for the benefit of any new readers from Chad I should explain that these settees both recline and tilt from the upright to an almost horizontal position. The good news is that these eventually arrived three days ago and so I look forward to reclining in comfort tonight whilst watching the Super Bowl.

Mrs F and I visited Whitby the other day, there is I know a regular reader and good friend of the Blog who will now smile and nod knowingly whilst remembering that Whitby is twinned with Anchorage in Alaska. I have to share the good news that Whitby now has a Pie and Mash shop, aptly named 'Humble Pie and Mash'; on discovering this enterprise Mrs F and I could not resist taking our lunch there. I had Sausage and Black Pudding Pie with my mash peas and gravy and Mrs F had a Steak Pie. In line with all good Pie and Mash shops the meals are all at a fixed price and at the time of writing the price in Whitby is £4.99 with a mug of tea at an additional £1.00.

To close this edition of the Blog a couple of things that made me smile over the last day or so. Regular readers of the Blog will remember that during my spare time I am working on my family tree, see post for 29th August 2008 of the Blog. I have recently received a copy of a death certificate for a relative; sometimes it is worthwhile obtaining copies of these certificates to confirm some details of the individual in question. One of the mandatory items of information recorded on a British Death Certificate is the name of the person reporting the death, the name of the informant. On this certificate it amused me to see the name of the informant was Alice Dodgson Clay. I do not know who Mrs, Miss or even Ms Clay is but her name made me smile, I wonder how many other readers will make the connection and smile as well.

I have recently watched a quiz programme on the television. One of the contestants was a rather nice looking blond, in her early twenties I would imagine. The host of the programme asked the young lady why she had wanted to appear as a contestant. The young lady crossed her long legs thought for a moment and replied that as she had the outward appearance of what today is sometimes rudely described as a 'Blond Bimbo' and she was not like that at all, in fact the lady informed the audience that she was very intelligent and wanted to dispel the idea that sometimes she is automatically and wrongly placed into the 'Blond Bimbo' category and she wanted to prove to all her friends how clever and intelligent she really was. This was followed by a polite round of applause from the audience.

Question 1. Can you tell me in which continent Angola can be found. [a] Africa [b] South America [c] Asia].
Answer. I have never heard of Angola............errrrrrrrrr Asia I think.

Question 2. Can you tell me what the term Epilating refers to. [a] Hair Removal [b] Wrinkle Removal [c] Fat Removal.
Answer. Epilating...........errrrrrrrrr is that a real word ? errrrrrr I dont know.........oh hang on, epilating yes I know it is fat removal my friend was epilated last year and she lost loads of weight.

Oh well never mind, brave effort.

For those keen to follow the World Tour of the Gnome I have to report it has yet to arrive with me.

Postscript: Super Bowl Results: New Orleans Saints 31 Indianapolis Colts 17

This and That.................Mostly That.

I am dying, alright I know each and everyone of us is dying, from the very moment of childbirth the ageing and therefore the dying process begins, but I mean really dying. I have recently been struck down with a very rare condition that is a combination of things, there is no official title for this medical condition that to me is both terminal and debilitating, which then only goes to prove to you all how rare it is.

I am calling it 'Swineavian Oral Bronchopneumonia' or SOB for short. Why I should be the only one in the world to have been struck down by this mystery illness I do not know however I can tell you from my death bed that it is not pleasant at all. I should add whilst I am still able [and with fading strength] to use the keyboard unaided that SOB is not Man Flu as the Lady of the House refers to my illness, and how would she know what Man Flu is, even if I had Man Flu. No this is far more serious and will be the end of me yet.......................Man Flu indeed, she just does not understand how ill I really am, how despite being racked with pain how I maintain a stiff upper lip, never complaining and maintain a cheery smile for her sake is beyond me. I am dying I tell you.

The winter weather is upon us, in fact it has been upon some of us more than others. Here in the Northern outreaches of the Empire we have battled on stoically as we usually do. The local authority has in the main repaid our trust in them by doing their best to ensure where possible the Queens Highway remains passable. Certainly with due care and attention I have been able, as have my work colleagues, to drive to work and back again without any mishaps. No abandoning cars for us at the sight of three snowflakes and an Easterly wind exceeding 2 miles per hour as we see reported in the media that has, it seems, become the vogue in some of the more Southern sunnier climes, no we are Northerners.

The three schools local to where I live have not closed; they have all remained open to offer the benefit of a fine British education to those who attend. I have however noticed a slight decrease in vehicles driving these students to their place of study. It seems strange that owners of some large and expensive four wheel drive vehicles do not wish to drive them in the present bad weather conditions in case they have an accident; for me this perhaps avoids the justification of owning such a vehicle in the first place.

Because of this many students have taken to walking and that is how it should be. I remember walking to school in the snow [or any other weather condition] when I was a child, it did me no harm and it will do the students of today no harm either. In fact I think they enjoy it, rather than being caged within a motor car from door to door they have walked in pairs or in groups, there has been chatter and laughter and the odd snowball fight, they have fresh air in their lungs and a glow to their cheeks. It is that I have not yet spotted anyone wearing a grey knitted balaclava similar to the one I was made to wear during the winters of the fifties, to keeps my ears warm, either this may be a change in fashion or today's students are a hardier bunch then we might give them credit for.

The regular readers of the Blog will recall that as one of my many hobbies and interests I am a virtual flight simulator pilot, for those who may have overlooked this or perhaps a new reader from Chad I refer you to the Blog entry of 10th September 2008. One of the flight groups I belong to; Sweets Shells Flying Service, a Happy Band of Hippy Sky Truckers [or The Biggest Boobs in Aviation] has started a variation to the Gnome on holiday routine.

You will all know I am sure of the trick where some wag [often students] will borrow [steal] a Gnome from someones garden then take it on holiday with them or on a tour to various parts of the world and sending back postcards or photos to the rightful owners showing the Gnome at various exotic locations only for the Gnome to eventually be returned home some weeks or months or even years later.

Well we at SSFS have just started this, I hasten to add that as honest and upstanding members of the community we have purchased our own Gnome to travel around the world and not 'Borrowed' one, well I have been told we have bought one anyway. Volunteers from the flight simulator community have offered to host the Gnome on its travels with each member receiving the Gnome by post they will then keep him [or it might be a her] for a few days and take the Gnome around their local area and take some photos of the Gnome near local landmarks to post on the web site, they will then send the Gnome by post onto the next recipient.

The Gnome has already started the journey from Sweden and it should travel down into mainland Europe across to England [that is me] up to Scotland across to mainland America up through Canada onto Alaska across to Australia then onto South Africa then back into mainland Europe before getting home again to Sweden. Perhaps I should add the Gnome is only a small plastic one and not a heavy weight concrete garden version, just in case anyone thought us completely mad.

A Google Earth map is being kept of its progress around the globe as well as photos on the web site and perhaps in the next Blog entry I might be able to provide a link for readers to look at.

Here though is a link, hopefully, to the [unofficial] Travelling Gnome Map, each pin represents a stop on the route.

Gnome Map here